Ryan Returns to the Keyboard

I haven't posted in a while.  The weeks haven't been kind to me.  Hopefully I'll be posting more in the future.

I'm feeling better now though and I hope to be home in the next 7-10 days.  We'll see if that date holds.

3 days ago I was started on some powerful steroids.  I don't know why I'm telling this story.  Anyhow, the doctors couldn't keep my glucose at a proper level.  So for two days, every two hours, they would prick my finger to check glucose level.  It was inevitably high every time, ranging from 190-250.  So five minutes after the finger prick I'd be giving myself an insulin shot. The first finger prick didn't always work either.  Thus ends the story of why I gave myself 24 insulin shots in 2 days, along with 28 finger pricks, and two lovenox shots.  It's day three or four today and I think we almost have things under control.  They've added 35 units of insulin to the TPN that drips into me all day.  I'm pretty sure this will temporarily give me adult diabetes.  Today I've already given myself two more insulin shots, one while writing this post.

In the past two days I've been out of the hospital for walks.  It's been nice, apparently my white counts are good enough for outdoor activity.  That is, as long as I don't get any exposure to sun, wear a mask, wear a gown, and wear gloves.  Still, this is much better than being in the hospital all of the time.  Emily and I did 1 lap around the hospital two days ago, we did two laps yesterday, the goal today is three laps.  It would be nice to know the distance.  Either way, it takes us a long time.

They are moving me to ice chips today.  This is thanks to the steroids and other drugs doing their job with my gut based GVHD.  If the ice chips don't make things worse I'll be allowed to drink some water.  If that doesn't make me sick I'll be allowed to have half a soda followed by the same amount in water.  And, finally, if I handle all of that well I will be allowed to eat rice or cheerios with soy milk.  It's a good thing I'm not hungry, this is a depressing list.  After graduating through all of the previous levels without relapsing I'll be allowed to eat food you could live on.  That's when I really start to eat.  They won't let me out of here until I'm putting down 1745 calories a day.  Let me tell you, that is a staggering amount of soy milk and cheerios.  So, everyone keep your fingers crossed, I could be out of here in a week or so if everything goes perfectly.

What else is moderately interesting.  My general health, perhaps.  Strange leg pain between foot and leg.  Dry eyes.  Odd thick mucous that must be sucked out with the same tool dentists use.  Persistent general fatigue.  Chemo brain.  Nominal emotional control, that's the roids for you.  Stomach pain, GVHD.  I'd like my hair back.  All-in-all I feel well.  Everything really could be so much worse.

I'm optimistic.  I think I'll be home soon.  I think I'll feel better soon.  I think home life will be mostly normal shortly after I return.  I'm excited about the future, regardless of quantity.  I don't care about percentages.  I'm going to do  everything I can to enjoy the rest of my life.  I realize much of the next year will have me tied up in clinic visits.  That's alright.

I have wonderful friends and family.  Did I mention that the steroids make me emotional? I'm taking life one day at a time and enjoying it.  This is an easy proposition when Emily is your best friend, helping you in any way she can.

My love goes out to all reading this.  Have a wonderful day and a wonderful life.  I believe this is your one shot, make it count - live a happy life.

The picture of the day - what happens when Tim and Emily conspire to hook me on a children's game while I'm fatigued.