The night went well, no fever. The fever hasn't come back up today either. It's safe to assume that the antibiotics are doing their job.
Modern medicine deserves my gratitude, even if I die in its arms. I extend my gratitude and respect to all of the scientists, doctors, nurses, and nursing assistants. Thank you for the world of modern medicine you've created. It certainly has many problems, but it has saved my life and the lives of my loved ones more times than I can recall. Thank you, world of medicine, for giving me another day to play the only game in town.
The highlight of the day, besides no fever, was having Emily and the boys visit. They were here for about five and a half hours, which is awesome. Homework was done, halls were walked through, games were played, children were fed, Emily and I made out like freshmen every time the boys looked away, and in all other ways life was as it should be; except that we were in a hospital. Home really is where your family and friends are, not where you are. Today this hospital was home, tonight it is not.
The family peoples left around 4:30. After they left Jonas called me four or five times. We must've talked for close to two hours tonight. Max and I talk a lot. Jonas doesn't talk to me much, he just seems to have other interests. The last time I was in the hospital he didn't call often. I really appreciate his interest. I've talked to him about his concerns, I know he's sad and that isn't going to go away without time. I have tried to convince him to not be sad about things that haven't happened though. Hopefully he can find himself in a happier place soon. Either way, for me it's great to connect and share with him. He's been a tough nut to crack. Maybe this is all it took, a couple rounds of chemo and several months in the hospital. If only I'd known sooner.
In between talking to Jonas I spent my evening reaching back to everyone who reached out to me today. I have a whole army of supporters, it's awesome! That's why we all fight for another day in the game, to share love with our friends. Some people don't know that's why they fight, but it is. Thanks, all of you. You make my life better and all the more worth fighting for. I may not be built to take on cancer, chemo, or a bone marrow transplant. Regardless, I'll give it my all if it means I have a reasonable chance at continuing to share my love with my friends.
All told I spent six hours on my feet today, performed a variety of exercises, and I am suffering accordingly. The problem right now is that I'm burning more calories than I'm taking in. My take away thought for the day: It's time to ditch large meals and work on small frequent meals. It's very difficult to eat over 2200 calories a day when consuming 3 large meals. I was able to do as much as 3300 when I was eating 7 and 8 smaller meals. For lunch I managed 750 then 700 for dinner. 2200 for the day, not fabulous. Not close to what I spent. I'll be a better piggy tomorrow. I also need to have them bring in the exercise bike.
I took my sleeping pills half an hour ago, it's 12:38. Good night!
I have never thought of life like that before..."the only game in town.". I am not sure why, but just saying it that way does make me want to go out and really enjoy my game. For some reason, hearing it called that makes even a crappy inning of the game feel so much more worthwhile. I am surprised to find that I am not immune to inspiration based solely on word choice. I suppose none of us are and that is why religion and motivational speakers flourish.
ReplyDeleteOne day my brother and I were having a nihilistic conversation and it occurred to me that the best reasons not to kill yourself are three fold: You don't know what's next, if anything. And you do know that this life is full of amazing and wonderful things (sure, there are also the terrible things, like cancer.). And most importantly, you're going to die anyway. You have no choice in the matter. Why speed the process. Why not stick with the devil you know and play the only game you know for as long as you can. The probability of our existence is so infinitesimal that we should consider that fortune before throwing it away. I summed up the conversation by telling my brother that this is the only game in town, so we should play it and whether we win or lose, we're lucky to have had the chance to play and it's a wonderful and amazing place to be. It really is what we make of it.
DeleteThe Mickey Mantle quote from the beginning of Moneyball adds, (if taken completely out of context) to this discussion in a provocative way :"It's unbelievable how much you don't know about the game you've been playing all your life." I think if we continue with the analogy of "life" as a game, then this quote is true for everyone. I frequently can't get over how few truly useful things I know about this game I've been playing my whole life. I have a lot more practice to go.
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