The Halloween Advice and Update Column

Life is silly.  Since last posting I've had hundreds of interesting experiences, thoughts, dreams, and ideas.  What I choose to share will be offered with limited context.  This is, of course, all by necessity.  I've long dreamed of a device, method, or magic that would allow for a person to completely experience the consciousness of another; I believe this would bring about world peace.  But we don't have that magic.  We have our senses and faculty.  So I write this for you.  I don't write it hoping, or believing, that you'll ever know me or understand my experience of the world; you won't and you can't.  I write today to offer advice.  We set out looking for comfort only to learn that hard work is life's greatest comfort, life is silly.

Be happy.  Do yourself this favor.  Your emotions are one of the only elements of life that you control.  In most other cases control is an illusion, a very frustrating illusion.  All that you love can be taken from you in an instant, you can't control that.  But you can control your attitude.  So be happy.  There isn't a magical formula, there aren't steps you need to follow; it is a one step process: Be happy!  Now, especially with the uninitiated, there are questions that arise such as "How can I be happy when I'm worried about problem x, y, z, etc..?".  The answer is, quit worrying about issues you can't do anything about and if you can do something about the issue, go do it and do it happily.  Try not to consider yourself a victim, it's hard to be happy when you have the excuse of your victim status as a reason to be unhappy.  I didn't opt-in to cancer.  I don't consider myself a victim.  I'm happy and I've been happy despite the cancer, hospitalization, etc.  Be happy.

Be prepared for the future.  Don't worry about the future.  Tomorrow may not come.  Don't waste today on worry.  You should spend your time and energy on pursuits that you enjoy.  Spend your time with friends, family, and whatever interests you enjoy.  Don't waste your life, it is a time-limited event.  Time is the most valuable resource, worry wastes time.  If I'm going to die tomorrow, I certainly don't want to spend today worrying about it.

Don't spend your time regretting the past.  Perhaps, 20 years ago, you did something that you regret, maybe it was only 30 seconds ago.  Either way, I suggest you get over it.  You cannot undo what you've done.  If you should apologize, do so.  If you can offer to repair or replace something you've broken, do so.  Do not sit and be upset with yourself.  This is terribly common way the people waste their lives.  Prolonged regret wastes time and robs you of an otherwise happy state of mind.  When regrettable situations occur you should do what you can to repair them, commit to avoid similar situations in the future, forgive yourself for your foolishness, and move on happily with your life.

Don't pin your willingness to be happy on outcomes.  Far too often people choose to suspend happiness and replace it with another emotion pending future events.  They say "I'll be happy when it's the weekend" or "I'll be happy when I have a job I enjoy" or "I'll be happy when my son is home safely".  Such thinking is asinine.  Why not be happy now and when the thing you're hoping for happens.  Even better, be happy now and keep being happy even if that thing you're hoping for doesn't happen.  Why choose a less pleasant emotion in the meantime?  You can't control the job you have, how quickly the weekend comes, or whether your child makes it home safely.  Relax and enjoy the life and time that you have while hoping for the best.  If the worst comes it'll be easier to bear it in an accepting and relaxed state of mind.

When the end is near and I review my life as I wait for it to pass, I honestly believe that my greatest regret will be all the times that I choose to be something other than happy.  It already is my greatest regret.  I just don't ever think about it because I don't have time to waste on regret.  Neither do you.

I write this to remind myself of my own priorities and reasoning as much as I do hoping that others will gain some benefit from the reminder as well.

As for my health, we're in a constant state of flux.  I ignore thinking about it as much as possible and focus instead on taking care of myself in the moment.  Fatigue has been winning a battle with me over the past two weeks.  I'll win that battle soon.  Diabetes has backed off, I'm not on any medications.  It appears that the diabetes was steroid induced.  Visited the dentist today concerning teeth sensitivity.  I'll be picking up fluoride trays on Friday.  There is some concern right now about a skin based chronic GVHD.  I'll be going in for a skin biopsy soon to determine if it is indeed GVHD.  If it is, that won't be fun.  I'm still on more than a dozen medications, many of which have very unpleasant side effects.  Hopefully I can keep working away from those as time moves on.

I miss the world, my old life.  I miss going for walks, being in the sun, seeing all of you people, enjoying a meal at a restaurant, feeling well, working, co-workers, enjoying a false sense of control, believing that my behavior was justified, and feeling like I was good at what I did.

My people are doing pretty well.  Jonas and Max are both wonderful and sweet boys.  Emily is, well, Emily. She is rightly idolized by many.  We would all be in great shape if we were blessed with Emily's brains, work ethic, efficiency, wisdom, sympathy, grace, beauty, and general awesomeness.  I'm a very lucky man, to have such beautiful people in my life.

Let's see, for the picture of the... Month?  We'll go with a picture of my peeps in partial Halloween costume: